3.3.2020
Francis Green Alo
Media Flex, Inc.
1201 6th Avenue
Ste 400
Los Alto, CA 94022
Hello "Francis,"
Thank you for taking the time to respond to my application for Vice President, Consumer Affairs & Communications Liaison Level III, South District.
I’ve realized I really want the word “Vice President” in my title, because it conveys an image of swaggering power and authority, and I’m kind of insecure. In fact, to be honest, that’s the only reason I’m applying for this job. For the words “Vice President.”
Also, to further this point, it should be known I’m simply too lazy to ever want to be President…of anything. The buck absolutely cannot stop with me, I wouldn’t know what to do with it, and frankly, I don’t want to know.
Most of my qualifications are fabricated. That’s why I use the word “expert” so much in my project descriptors. I realized, not that long ago, that to be an “expert” merely requires a third party stating that you’re an/the “expert,” and ‘blammo’ you’re the expert. That’s why I quoted that newspaper story about me from 10 years ago about 900 times - they gave me the byline of “expert.” Pretty sweet huh?
Also, I want you to know that Cover Letters like this are relics of the 20th Century and the fact that you require it lessons my opinion of you, in general. Not of your willingness to give out stock options to your Company Officers though.
In summation, please hire me as I’m a power hungry, moderately intelligent, highly unmotivated and potentially disloyal sycophant who happens to operate within parameters you will undoubtedly be familiar and comfortable with; blatant self-interest.
Sincerely,
Edgar Blankenship III
Senior Development Director
Abridge & Associates