Like a white rabbit running through a field of melted chocolate, we sit in the netherworld of virtual school, virtual work, and virtual vacation.

I needed to relax so I pulled up my 1998 screen saver with the fish – you know, the ones in the bowl, slowly swimming around. It didn’t help.

I was here yesterday when my neighbor fired up his woodchipper – I live in the city, I’m not sure why he has a woodchipper. I was here earlier today when the CenturyLink cable guy started stringing cords all over the cherry trees in my front yard then acted all put-out when I asked if he needed me to do anything which is really just a way for me to verify he’s not a criminal psychopath intent on blowing up my house and the best way to do that is to dress up like a cable guy (that’s what I’d do – all it takes is an orange vest and a tool belt and you look like you fit in virtually anywhere. And I mean anywhere. Tell me a place you can’t get into with an orange vest, hard hat and tool belt).

Not that I’m a criminal psychopath.

I’m here today listening to my son’s friggin’ teacher take roll call for the 100th time. Teachers, if you’re out there, please understand you’re actually exempt from my rant, as you’re truly doing God’s or Another Higher Being’s work.

I see some leaves falling off those cherry trees now. LEAVES. ON THE GROUND. And the spiders are showing up in all my bushes (started about two weeks ago) and there was a huge Wood Spider in my basement. All signs the FALL SEASON (or if you’re fancy “Autumn”) is steamrolling its mighty, apoplectic way towards us. With swords.

Interesting fact – every fall people freak out because spiders show up. Big surprise, they aren’t geese. As in, they don’t migrate. They live here all the time. But in the fall the males show up en-prominenencay because they are looking for a mate. Fall is their version of pontoon-boat party-time at Lake Havasu.

What are you doing this Fall Season? Actually, I don’t want to know.

I, for one, am going to buy an orange vest, earplugs, a rake, some dead bugs to feed all these randy spiders, and a seasonal affective disorder light.

And maybe a cool screen saver. If they still make those.