Share Post:

Share on facebook
Share on linkedin
Share on twitter
Share on pinterest
Share on email

I have a dream where I don’t have my cell phone. Or mobile phone. Or smart phone. Or tracking beacon. Or whatever you want to call it.

Ok, it’s not really a dream. It’s just something I think about, randomly. See? I think.

But lacking a phone directly impacts my ability to take photographs of how cute my son is. Or, truly, it impedes my ability to document what an incredible father I am for taking my son on a given hike/bike ride/fishing trip/hedge maze nightmare. Or whatever.

This is a problem; as I need the visual documentation of our father/son activities to validate my overall existence to my in-laws, and my wife. And perhaps the community in general.

It should be noted, this visual record enhances my perceived perfection while also conveniently leaving out the whole yelling-at-my-son, lecturing-my-son, micromanaging-my-son part.

You know, all the emotionally scarring bad parenting I do that will lead to several cognitive therapy sessions for him as an adult.

Or sooner.

Anyway, the obvious value in our phones is the camera. Let’s just start calling them cameras.

I don’t enjoy taking pictures of myself (I prefer drawings that generally enhance my musculature…or, in truth, provide it) so I don’t use Instagram. I also don’t want people to know what I’m doing in general, so I don’t turn on lights. Ever.

I also hide from Facebook and TikTok, while Twitter is forever ruined for me thanks to the Kardashians. Yes, I’m equating all of these with cameras; social media platforms are a function of the camera.

Oh, I utilize LinkedIn in an effort to look like I have my act together as far as contributing to the economy is concerned; I had a professionally shot photo on there for years but I changed it to a more recent, kind of dumpy photo because I’ve aged horribly and I feel if I met someone professionally now they’d be expecting this clean shaven, somewhat fit youngish person full of life, hope and vigor as communicated by the old photo.

Instead they’d find me unshaven, in shorts and a beer-ingredients-expressed-through-the-periodic-table t-shirt. This is likely disappointing. I’m all about not disappointing, so I’m keeping the new dumpy photo. Shot from my own phone, er, camera.

All of this begs the question, what if cameras aren’t ubiquitous?

Arguably social justice would suffer; from Azerbaijan to our own cities. That’s not good.

I think marketing would benefit. I’m not sure about the efficacy of social media campaigns I see for large companies. Or small, for that matter. They typically involve too-pretty, too-stylized imagery suggesting the listed (unattainable, unachievable, unbelievable) experience is just ready for the taking, if only we’d (buy/rent/visit/make-a-habit-of) the advertised product or service. This going away is good.

I think individuals would benefit from less self-involvement and the de-escalation of pressure to participate in everything going on everywhere on the planet. That’s good.

This is as far as I can get for now. I guess the social justice piece outweighs everything else, so let’s keep our cameras. Plus I have validation to do. Just don’t call me okay? I hate answering the phone.

More Updates

Beware of Physics and Esprit de Corps

The original conversation went something like this: Lieutenant: “He said he never makes mistakes, they’re just misunderstandings.” Chief: “What were you doing in the sewage

Subscribe to our newsletter or we'll totally freak out.

Engaging irreverence, occasional coherence, often pointed, mixed with enough indelicate humor as to create a want, a craving for more.